how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
