I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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