I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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