Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
