Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
