dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
