There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
