She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
