Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
