i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
