my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
