Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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