We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
