I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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