she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
