is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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