when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
