at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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