Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
