and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
