she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize