Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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