the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
