Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
