Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
