So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
