We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
