are you so shy because you have an std?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
