Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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