Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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