mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
