a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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