Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
