Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have aggressive nipples.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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