I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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