Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
