he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
