what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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