Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
