I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
