I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
