you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
