I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
