rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
love makes seman taste better
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
