Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize