Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
