wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
