three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I want is dick and wine.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
