Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He shit in the fireplace
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
