There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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