I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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