Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
