I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
