just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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