check it out our google latitudes are spooning
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
3 2 1 whiskey
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
