The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
