Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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