I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He has the fingertips of a God
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize