Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize