I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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