i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
