Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
