she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
