i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
