My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
love makes seman taste better
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize