i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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