Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
