I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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