Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
