I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
