We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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