Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
