there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
