Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
